I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize