the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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