Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
