Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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