My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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