In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
