pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
