Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
