My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
