Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
