i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
