do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
