i would punch a child for taco bell
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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