I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize