I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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