that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
