Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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