i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
