a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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