She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
