I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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