nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
