The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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