You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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