how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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