Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
