so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
