i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
