Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
