Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
