you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
