A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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