I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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