This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
