And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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