Buhtt sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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