So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
