i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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