I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
