is your mom at the bar?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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