i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
