U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize