Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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