Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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