I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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