so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
