he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
