i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
