Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
