thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
