i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm too high and old for this...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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