so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
