My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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