we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your cock deserves a montage
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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