don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
