wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
