My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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