He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
