hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
