So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
