The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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