i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
