Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
