She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
