so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize