I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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