But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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