There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
