I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
