Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
